Die Wunderkammer von Frau Zaftig

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Online dictionaries define the word zaftig as, “(of a woman) having a pleasantly plump figure.” 

Yup.  That’s me.

Let me tell you though, there is NOTHING pleasant about being plump.  Never got the memo on it being otherwise.  I’ve always been the token fatty, been called “Meatball” by grade school classmates, and gah (!), most recently, been asked if I was schwanger (pregnant) by some beeyotch employee of my brother-in-law.  

I’m now at my heaviest and it’s not funny anymore.  My metabolism is on strike, my clothes no longer flatter where they should, and worse, I feel like Po, the Kung Fu Panda.  

I don’t need to be sexy.  I have no illusions of fitting into a size zero.  I just want to be healthy.  And have a kid.  And live a long, happy life.  And do everything I set out to do without having to worry about my embarrassing BMI, my fatty liver, my joints – my body.

So I’m giving myself till the end of the year to lose all this excess baggage.  All this overhang (and matching hang-ups) must go.  Portion control and major gym time are in order.  

The Diet and Gym Gods must be laughing.  

I’m not.


Written by Frau Zaftig

Monday, 8 June 2009 at 6:26 am

Posted in The Diet Project

Tagged with , ,

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